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December 2012 True Facts in Fiction

21 December 2012
by Zigzagtoes

Here it is folks. This is how from this day, December 21, 2012, will be remembered. The resurrection will be born from this event...

The Almighty right hand of God, slowly rises up, followed swiftly by the middle finger in sync with a jolt upwards. A huge roar traverses the skies all over Water World, aka Planet Earth. To those that are on the same wavelength as nature, the roar is in plain English, shouting out in a deep all powerful frequency of sound, 'Fuck You Humans! I'm enjoying my sweet sweet growth! I will rid of you vermin parasites, from the surface of my creation, in the 2030's!'.

The winds seem to follow a pattern. Puff Puff, silence, Puff Puff, silence. After a few hours, a quieter, more relaxing breeze whispers to those listening, 'Look out for the scrolls, the truth they hold.'

The skies turn a tropical blue, sun rises, still shining. Birds are flocking around a few thousand Old-New-Agers, who appear motionless. Some have a red liquid dripping from their mouths. A New-New-Ager, Dave, rises from the blanket of motionless bodies, rejoycing, 'I will find them scrolls, and prove the world will end in the 2030's'.

Dave didn't have to travel far, as just a few miles from where he set forth from, was a gianormous pile of shit. 'It's a miracle! It's not bullshit!'. 'No Dave,', came a voice from beneath a piece of shit nugget, 'it's Gods shit'.

As Dave got nearer to the pile of shit, he saw a brilliant white piece of fabric. On closer inspection, it appeared to have some kind of cryptic pattern on one side with random words, and on the other, was a gooey kind of brown streak near the center, from top to bottom. Forraging around the area, Dave came across more pieces. Some were missing sections, some had faded, and some totally destroyed due to the gooey icky sticky brown stuff. 'These must be the scrolls!', declared Dave in excitement, 'Now to solve the encryptions!'.

Many many years passed. Dave, due to not having the list of solutions from the packaging, failed to solve the hidden messages of truth in them scrolls. He died a crazy person in 2029. It's hoped by many New-New-Agers, that someone, somewhere, will solve it, before it's too late....

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